When you take the plunge, get married. You’ll think you’ve found the perfect best friend, and your problems will be solved. As the song says, “no more lonely nights.
Sadly, that is not true. Loneliness in marriage affects millions of couples around the world.
This is the time when at least one partner feels emotionally abandoned.
But, many couples experience loneliness.
At this point, you might be wondering why your marriage is so lonely. If you and your partner have thought your marriage would be your haven, you and your partner may be experiencing loneliness.
You might be connecting less than you did in the past. So to bring it back to life, you need to reconnect with your partner and friends.
The constant little flare-ups finally turn into major blow-ups.
And to avoid destructive interactions, you stop talking at all.
There are several reasons why you might feel lonely in your marriage. Loneliness, in some cases, can lead to extramarital affairs.
What to Do If You’re Married but Lonely?
If you’re married but lonely, there are things you can do to make your situation more bearable.
First, try to get out and socialize with friends as much as possible. This can help take the edge off of your loneliness.
You can also try engaging in activities that you enjoy, like reading, painting, or hiking. If you’re feeling particularly down, talk to your doctor about ways to improve your mood.
Finally, remember you’re not alone; many people feel lonely even in a relationship.
Being Alone vs Being Lonely
Being alone is a positive feeling while being lonely is a negative one. When alone, you can spend time on yourself and think through your problems.
If you are lonely, you might think about how things could be better or how people could change.
Why are People Married but Lonely?
When people get married, they usually think that their life will be a bed of roses and that they will be happy and content with their spouse and never feel lonely again.
Unfortunately, this is not always the case. Sometimes people get married and still feel lonely, even though they spend all their time with their spouse.
A few reasons why someone might feel lonely even though they are married. One reason could be that the person is not satisfied with their marriage. They may be unhappy with how things are going in their relationship, or they may not feel like they have a strong connection with their spouse.
Another reason someone might feel lonely in a marriage is if they don’t have many friends outside of their relationship. When someone only relies on their spouse for social interaction, it can lead to loneliness.
“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.” ~ Mignon McLaughlin
What causes loneliness in a relationship or marriage?
As a married couple, you must ensure your marriage is happy. However, many couples do not know what they are looking for in a partner until they find one. For some people, the signs of being alone include:
There’s a lack of connection
It’s not that there isn’t a connection – it’s just that the connection is not strong. This could be because you’re too busy, or maybe you’ve spent so much time together in the past that you don’t have anything to talk about anymore. Or, it could be because your relationship has been fraught with conflict (especially if one of you is an extrovert and the other an introvert).
Lack of effort or attentiveness
The lack of effort in your relationship is evident in how you communicate with each other. You’re always keeping up with what’s going on with each other, but it seems like you don’t care about how things are going for the other person.
Parental responsibilities are getting in the way of the relationship
The responsibilities of being a parent can be extremely taxing, and often they get in the way of the relationship between the parents. Children need their parents to be there for them, and when one or both parents are bogged down by their parental duties, it can lead to tension and arguments.
Partners are overly dependent on each other to feel fulfilled
Partners are often too reliant on each other to feel fulfilled. This can be a problem because it leaves both partners feeling insecure and unfulfilled if one cannot meet their needs.
Often, this leads to one person becoming over-dependent on the other, creating tension and resentment.
Partners need to have their interests and hobbies outside of the relationship to maintain a sense of independence and self-fulfillment.
This will help prevent one partner from becoming too dependent on the other and strengthen the relationship overall.
Fear of Your Spouse
Fear of your spouse is a common fear. It can be caused by many things, such as not feeling safe with your partner, worrying about what they might do, or fearing their reaction if you say or do something. This fear can keep you from being around them and enjoying your time together.
If you are experiencing fear of your spouse, it is important to talk to them. Let them know what you’re afraid of and why.
This will help them understand where you’re coming from and may make it easier for you to feel more comfortable around them.
Additionally, try to engage in activities that make you feel safe and relaxed, such as spending time with friends or participating in calming activities like yoga or meditation.
With time and effort, fear of your spouse can become a thing of the past.
Lack of Emotional Support
What comes to your mind when you think about a healthy relationship? A key component of a healthy relationship is emotional support for many people.
This means having someone there for you when you need them, someone who will listen to you and offer words of encouragement.
However, what happens when this essential component is missing from your relationship?
If you lack emotional support from your partner, you may feel alone and unsupported. This can be incredibly frustrating and can cause tension in the relationship. Additionally, it can be difficult to maintain your well-being when you don’t have someone to lean on.
If you are in a relationship lacking emotional support, it is important to communicate with your partner about your needs. It may also be helpful to contact friends or family members for support.
No Sexual Intimacy
Sexual intimacy is an important part of a healthy relationship. Without sexual intimacy, it can be difficult for the couple to maintain a strong connection.
Lack of sexual intimacy can lead to feelings of resentment and frustration. It can also make the couple less likely to communicate effectively.
To have a healthy and happy relationship, couples must engage in sexual intimacy regularly.
Absence of Quality Time
When it comes to relationships, spending quality time together is essential. Unfortunately, many couples don’t make enough time for each other. This can lead to problems down the road.
One of the main reasons quality time is so important is that it allows couples to connect on a deeper level.
When they are together, they can share their thoughts and feelings. This helps them to understand each other better and strengthens their bond.
Another reason why quality time is important is that it allows couples to have fun together. They can do things they enjoy, laugh, and joke around. This helps keep the relationship fresh and exciting.
Lastly, spending quality time together allows couples to stay connected emotionally. They will miss each other when they are apart and long for their shared moments.
Old Wounds That Never Healed
Old wounds can fester and ruin a relationship. If you carry emotional baggage from a previous relationship, it will eventually manifest in your current one.
Whether you’re angry at your ex for dumping you or feel you need to compete with them, it’s best to deal with those issues head-on. Otherwise, they’ll continue to cause problems in your new relationship.
“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” ~ Friedrich Nietzsche
Effects of Being Married but Lonely
When one is married but feels lonely, there can be effects. The first and most obvious effect is feeling isolated and alone.
This can lead to a lack of communication with one’s spouse, leading to further feelings of loneliness.
When one is married but feels lonely, it cannot be easy to focus on anything else but that feeling. This can cause problems at work or school and with relationships outside of the marriage.
When one is married but feels lonely, enjoying the benefits of being married can be hard. This can lead to a decreased quality of life and even depression.
These effects will even propagate to
- Poor overall well-being.
- Increased alcohol and substance use.
- Increased risk for depression.
- Worsened immunity.
- Greater risk of cardiovascular disease and stroke.
What to Do If You’re Married but Lonely?
Here are 8 time-tested ways to bring back the zing in your relationship and kill the loneliness:
Talk to Your Spouse
Talking to your spouse is the best solution when you are married and lonely. This is especially important if you have been married and drifted apart for a while.
Spending time together can help you reconnect and feel close again.
Take a Trip Down Memory Lane
There are times in every marriage when a spouse feels lonely.
When you are married and feel lonely, taking a trip down memory lane can be helpful. This can help to remind you of the good times you have shared with your spouse and can help lift your spirits.
One way to take a trip down memory lane is by looking through old photographs. You can look at photos from when you were dating, from your wedding day, or from vacations you have taken together.
Another way to reminisce is by telling old stories about yourselves. You can tell stories about things that happened when you were dating, when you first moved in together, or any other funny memories that come to mind.
Show Understanding, Compassion, and Respect
We all feel lonely at times, but when you are married and feel lonely, it can signify that something is wrong in your relationship.
If you feel lonely, showing understanding, compassion, and respect for your partner is important. Talk to them about your feelings and what might help you feel better.
Maybe spend more time together or find activities that you both enjoy. If your partner is unwilling to work on the issue with you, it might be time to consider whether or not this is the right relationship for you.
Avoid Blaming
When you are married and feel lonely, it can be easy to blame your spouse. You may think that if they would only do more or were more like this other person, you wouldn’t feel so alone.
However, blaming your spouse is not going to help the situation. It may make things worse.
If you feel lonely, the best thing you can do is talk to your spouse about it. Let them know what you are feeling and see if there is anything they can do to help.
If you don’t talk to your spouse about it, they may feel like they are doing something wrong, leading to even more loneliness.
Blaming your spouse will not fix the problem of loneliness.
Spend More Time Together
In a study recently published in the journal Personal Relationships, researchers found that married people who spent more time together felt less lonely.
They also found that the amount of time people spent together was more important than the quality of their interactions.
The researchers analyzed data from two studies. The first study looked at the relationship between marital duration and loneliness. The second study looked at how marital quality and duration are related to loneliness.
Both studies showed that married people who spent more time together felt less lonely. However, when the researchers looked at how marital quality and duration related to loneliness, they found that marital quality was more important than duration.
This research is necessary because it shows that spending time together effectively reduces loneliness for married couples.
Take Up a Hobby Together
It can be easy to feel lonely when you are married. You may feel like you have no one to talk to or share your life with. One way to combat loneliness is to take up a hobby together. This can help you connect with your spouse and spend time together. You can choose from many hobbies, so find one that both of you will enjoy.
You may want to consider some hobbies, including cooking, gardening, hiking, biking, swimming, and playing sports. These hobbies allow you to spend time together while also getting exercise. If neither of you is very active, consider choosing a hobby that does not require a lot of activity, such as quilting or stamp collecting.
Whatever hobby you choose, set aside time to do it together each week.
It’s the Little Things…
It’s the little things that can make married life feel lonely. Even if people surround you, you can feel isolated and alone if you don’t have meaningful connections with them. Marriage can be a great way to build those connections, but it takes effort. The little things you do every day to connect with your spouse make a difference.
You might text or email during the day to say hello and let them know you’re thinking of them. You might take a few minutes to chat when you get home.
You might plan a date night or weekend away. You might work on projects together or cuddle on the couch watching TV. It doesn’t matter what it is, as long as it connects you two and makes you feel close.
Get Professional Help
Married and feel lonely? You are not alone. According to a National Institute of Health study, nearly one-third of all married people in the United States report feeling lonely.
If you are feeling lonely, it is important to get professional help. A therapist can help you understand why you feel lonely and how to address the issue. They can also provide support and guidance as you work through your feelings.
If you do not feel comfortable talking to a therapist, other options are available to you. Many support groups for married people who feel lonely can be a great way to connect with others who understand what you are going through.
Finally, remember that it is okay to ask for help. It would be best not to have to deal with loneliness alone.
Bottom Line
Loneliness in marriage can be combatted with effective strategies. By being proactive and communicating openly, couples can reduce loneliness and create a closer connection.
If you feel lonely in your marriage, try some of the suggested tips and see if they help. If they don’t, consult a therapist who can help you and your spouse explore the issue’s root and find other solutions.
FAQs | Married But Lonely
Can you be married and lonely?
Yes, being married and lonely is possible. Marriage is a social institution designed to give partners friendship, love, and support. Occasionally, though, marriages may be miserable and lonely. This might be attributable to a lack of communication, misaligned expectations, or other issues. If you are feeling lonely in your marriage, it is essential to discuss your feelings with your partner and work towards resolving the issues creating your loneliness.
Is it normal to feel lonely when married?
Yes, it is natural for married people to feel lonely. Several things might contribute to loneliness, such as feeling separated from your partner, inadequate, or not being heard. If you feel lonely, discussing it with your partner is the best course of action.
How do not be lonely in a marriage?
One way to avoid loneliness in a marriage is to ensure you and your spouse share hobbies and activities. This can help you feel connected with them and alleviate feelings of isolation. Additionally, talking often with your partner is essential, even when nothing is vital to discuss. This can assist in maintaining open channels of contact and minimize the onset of loneliness.
What to do when you’re married and lonely?
You may do a few things to feel better if you’re married and experiencing loneliness. First, seek activities that make you joyful. Whether it’s spending time with friends, reading, or taking a class, engaging in activities that bring you joy will help you forget your loneliness. Second, discuss your emotions with your partner.
Can you be married and still feel lonely?
Yes, it is possible to be married and feel lonely. Marriage is not a panacea for overcoming loneliness. Some people may experience loneliness in their relationships due to a lack of closeness or a sense that they are not completely understood by their partner.
How common is loneliness in marriage?
About one-third of married persons surveyed by the University of Chicago reported feeling lonely occasionally.
Several causes can contribute to marital loneliness, including lacking communication, feeling neglected or insignificant, and having different hobbies. If you feel lonely in your marriage, discussing it with your partner and finding methods to reconnect is essential.
