When we talk about and refer to a couple of crises, we first must understand the real meaning of this concept before going into depth.
There is no need to be afraid of the word crisis since its meaning is “inevitable change,” it is a necessary change, and the word does not have to have negative connotations, although it usually does.
It is essential to understand that throughout any sentimental, marital, and love relationship, it is entirely normal and inevitable that every couple goes through different stages in which they may find themselves in various crises.
In these stages, continuing to do things as they were being done becomes unsustainable, so the person must adapt and decide whether to grow on their own or together.
These couple crises may be due to internal or external factors, and the fact is that the couple is a very complex concept where both members evolve in parallel. The circumstances of both people are changing, to which external stressors are added, such as economic factors and children, which also significantly affect any relationship.
The existence of a couple of crises does not inevitably lead to a breakup; that is, a couple of crises is not synonymous with a breakup or the end of the relationship.
Problems can arise when the word “crisis” is accompanied by an unhelpful negative connotation; in this way, the person will tend to avoid the crisis in different ways: using denial (“nothing happens here”), evasion (“I don’t want to talk about it,” “there is nothing to talk about”), using reproach or even using the attack as a form of defense.
Discover the most common couple problems
On the contrary, the breakup can be avoided if we can incorporate new elements into our day-to-day life as a couple, thus managing to overcome the crisis.
Symptoms and causes of a crisis
Following is a list of the most usual and joint symptoms and causes that appear when we are in the middle of a couple of crises:
Indifference and passive attitude
Generalized apathy is as if you were a mere spectator and not the protagonist of the relationship; you let yourself go, stop doing things, and don’t act. You do not get involved at all; you let the days go by. and in this way. It is time and routine that dictate the final success or failure of the relationship.
Lack of involvement
Is there a feast for your partner’s company employees that you don’t want to attend? Does your partner play in a music group, and you haven’t gone even once to see him play? Does your partner ask you several times to accompany you to that art exhibition that you know he is very excited about, and you do nothing?
Lack of interest
Do you stop listening and disconnect when your partner is telling you in detail and is excited about a specific situation that has happened to him at work? Have you forgotten to congratulate him on his birthday?
Communication problems
Communication is one of the fundamental pillars of any relationship. It works, if it is cared for, if there is respect and space for the two members of the couple to express themselves, this will be an essential tool, and that will be a protective factor in any situation that has to be faced in the present or the future.
On the contrary, if communication fails, the result can lead to continuous arguments and confrontations. No communication is equivalent to “living as strangers.”
A permanent state of irascibility
The person feels continuously pissed off, with contained and accumulated anger, and does not feel calm or relaxed in their relationship.
Abandonment of common projects
Have you stopped going to the gym together, which you used to love doing it? Do you no longer do your marathons together because you no longer feel like it, nor are you excited? Have you stopped organizing summer vacations as before?
Decrease in shared positive moments
Before you used to go to the cinema every month because it was your time and now you don’t even think of it, how long has it been since you’ve had a weekend getaway? The relationship quality will also decrease if you decrease the number of these moments.
Loss of confidence
The ability to communicate “heart to heart” can be affected, making it increasingly difficult to open up to the other. If you remember and think about how you were at the beginning of the relationship, you and your partner were capable of trusting each other with unspeakable secrets, and you explained how you felt at all times.
Has it been a long time since you had a deep, intimate, and 100% sincere conversation with your partner?
Increased mistrust and jealousy
When losing trust, as detailed in the previous point, mistrust increases, and continuous jealousy inevitably begins to take root; why? Because jealousy is synonymous with a lack of confidence.
Feeling guilty
The person defines it as not feeling joy in the hope of something positive happening to their partner, which also makes them feel guilty. Aren’t you happy about your partner’s job promotion, and it even seems like it bothers you and makes you angry?
Decreased sexual activity
The sexual life of a couple can be affected for different reasons: High stress, diagnosis of a severe illness, or the arrival of a baby at home, but if there is nothing concrete and understandable that can explain this, maybe it is a symptom of a couple of crisis.
Decreased empathy
It is much more difficult for the person to put himself in another’s place; this makes him constantly judge and criticize instead of understanding his way of thinking and acting. If effective relationships are based on anything, it is on understanding the weaknesses and needs of the other.
Phases
In the first year of the relationship: When you get to know the other person better and see the positive and wonderful they are.
At 2 years of a relationship: When it comes to setting rules, limits, and seeking agreements, it usually happens; here, we will have to give in and give our arms to twist on many occasions.
At 3 years old: Do you want to step towards a more significant commitment, and the time has come to live together?
At 5 years of relationship: When the passion, sexual drive, and hormones have ceased to be at their peak.
After 7 years: When you are considering becoming parents and looking for the first child.
After 10 years of relationship: After the arrival of a second child and the increase in the family,
After 15 years: The routine has been installed in your day-to-day, and there is no way to get out of it.
Guidelines to follow to avoid a couple crisis in the first place
Look for dialogue and optimal communication
Be close and humble, and try not to impose your point of view constantly. When you talk to your partner, this way you will take responsibility. For example: “I felt bad when you told me how quiet I had been all night” instead of “you made me feel bad,” and it is that speaking from the “you” will cause more conflicts and take us away from a solution.
Improve assertiveness
Try to say things when they bother you (when we express them with our best words) and never when they tire you (when we express them with our best offenses).
Focus on the present moment
Be in the present and try not to recall or stir up past conflicts or bring old ghosts from the past to light.
Avoid looking for reasons to blame
Often, the reflections of a couple in crisis lead to constantly blaming the other; this does not make any sense; try not to do it anymore.
Pay attention when you give feedback
Feedback expires, so either we give it immediately, give it in the following similar situation, or don’t give it at all. If something is important enough, pass it on; if it’s not important enough, let it go.
Understands differences and disagreements
Being a couple does not mean agreeing on everything; on the contrary, loving someone requires respecting differences, sharing the same values and also different ones, and learning from disagreements.
Be more detailed
A surprise, a gift, a wink, a little joke with sweet and intelligent nuances when the situation is tense, a caress, a complicit look, a body that seeks a hug, an unexpected detail… try to find the details and take care of them.
Do not focus only on the negative things
Or on what you do not like about your partner. Try to remove the magnifying glass from the things that your partner does not do well or that you do not like and try to see the whole picture because when we are angry, we tend to filter reality to focus on what does not fit us. Try to do the opposite exercise and catch your partner doing something right. I’m sure you’ll be surprised. Focus on behaviors and not on the person.
Stop! Reflect before acting and be more prudent
When the situation is tense, and emotions overwhelm us, it is best to give ourselves some time. Stop, breathe, calm down, think more than once, breathe again, and reflect before acting. Do not get carried away by immediate impulses and act wisely.
Learn to listen
Be careful here! Hear, don’t just listen to a reply.
Look for everyday activities to share more time
Recover those activities that you liked to do together and also organize new ones, like a surprise trip, a night of dinner and theater, a rural getaway, an afternoon at the spa… then let yourself be carried away by spontaneity, without obligations, without following a plan, enjoying so from experience.
Relationships are, fundamentally, that set of shared moments in which we express affection and intimacy. And it is a simple fact of having spent many moments together in the past that makes the love relationship persist.
Work on trust
Trust your partner, don’t overwhelm him, and don’t drown him with calls or messages continuously. Respect their plan and their personal space. Freedom is the seed of true love; trust is vital in every authentic bond and every bond we want to care for and preserve. Without freedom, you cannot live as a couple nor have a healthy relationship.
Take care of yourself
If you are not feeling well, it is difficult for the couple as a whole to be well. Take care of your physical and emotional health; we often carry and transfer our fears, concerns, and personal problems to our partners. Pamper yourself, meet your personal needs and take time to feel good about yourself.
To finish, I do not want to emphasize that many times, after a relationship crisis, an opportunity for improvement appears; sometimes, after going through and suffering a relationship crisis, the relationship is strengthened, and the bond between the members becomes much closer than before. This is the positive idea of crisis, where there is no negative preconceived idea, and it serves to improve and move forward.
Having said all this, is there any point in putting up with a relationship that isn’t working out? The answer is no; moving forward is essential, going through the mourning, and accepting the relationship’s breakup. There is no point in continuing to suffer and prolong; a world of healthy and nurturing relationships is out there.
Conclusion
If, after what you have read, you consider that you may be immersed in a relationship crisis, or you feel disappointed and cannot stop feeling dissatisfaction, or you think that your partner has entered a loop. If you cannot overcome the crisis, it may be time to ask for professional advice.
Couples therapy can be a neutral ground and can help you to train strategies that get you out of the crisis in which you are immersed.
FAQs | Couple Crisis
How do you overcome a couple crisis?
If you’re experiencing a crisis in your relationship, the best thing you can do is talk to each other. Try to understand what’s causing the problem, and then work together to find a solution. If you can’t seem to resolve the issue on your own, it might be helpful to seek out professional help.
What steps can I take to improve my relationships?
There are a few things you can do to improve your relationships. First, try to be understanding and patient. Everyone makes mistakes, so be forgiving. Second, communicate with your partner. Talk about your feelings and listen to what they have to say. Finally, spend time together. Enjoy each other’s company and do things that you both enjoy.
What are the 7 stages of a relationship?
The 7 stages of a relationship are attraction, courtship, commitment, intimacy, passion, stability, and boredom.
How do you become emotionally strong in a relationship?
There is no one-size-fits-all answer to this question, as the best way to become emotionally strong in a relationship will vary from person to person. However, some tips on how to become emotionally strong in a relationship include being honest with yourself and your partner, being communicative, and setting boundaries. It is also important to remember that everyone makes mistakes, and it is okay to forgive yourself and your partner for any wrongs that have been done.
How do you rebuild communication in a relationship?
Rebuilding communication in a relationship can be difficult, but it’s not impossible. The first step is to identify the root of the problem. Once you know what’s causing the communication breakdown, you can work on fixing it.
In some cases, the problem may be that one partner is not listening to the other. In other cases, it may be that both partners are not communicating effectively.
Is silence good in a relationship?
There is no definitive answer to this question since it depends on the individual relationship. In some cases, silence can be a good thing because it allows partners to reflect and connect on a deeper level. However, in other cases, silence can be harmful because it can create tension and lead to misunderstandings. Ultimately, it’s up to the couple to decide what works best for them.
When are the hardest times in a relationship?
There is no definitive answer to this question as every relationship is different. However, some of the most difficult times in a relationship can occur when there is a disagreement or argument, when one partner feels like they are not being heard or understood, or when one partner is going through a tough time and the other partner is not able to provide the support that is needed.
How do you become mentally stable in a relationship?
There is no one-size-fits-all answer to this question, as the best way to become mentally stable in a relationship depends on the individual. However, some tips on how to achieve this include communicating effectively with your partner, maintaining healthy boundaries, and being mindful of your own mental health.
How do I connect with my partner on a deeper level?
There are many ways to connect with your partner on a deeper level. One way is to share your feelings and vulnerabilities with each other. This can help you feel closer and more connected to each other. Another way to connect is to engage in activities that you both enjoy. Spending time together doing things you love will help strengthen your bond. Lastly, communication is key. Talking openly and honestly with your partner is a great way to build intimacy and connection.
How do you know your partner is in a deep level?
There is no one answer to this question, as everyone experiences love and intimacy differently. However, some signs that your partner may be in a deep level of love with you include feeling a strong emotional connection with them, being able to rely on them for support, and sharing similar values and interests. If you feel like your partner is truly invested in your relationship and cares about you deeply, then it’s likely that they are in a deep level of love with you.
Is it normal to not talk every day in a relationship?
Yes, it is normal to not talk every day in a relationship. Some couples may talk every day, while others may only talk a few times a week. It really depends on the couple and their individual schedules.
Is it normal to not talk for days in a relationship?
It’s not normal to not talk for days in a relationship, but it can happen. If you’re not talking, then you’re not communicating, and that’s never good. Try to find time to talk to each other, even if it’s just for a few minutes every day.
When should you stop trying in a relationship?
There is no one-size-fits-all answer to this question, as the decision of when to stop trying in a relationship depends on the individual and the situation. However, some factors to consider include whether both people are truly committed to making the relationship work, whether there is still communication and respect between the partners and whether both people are putting in the effort to make things better. If these factors are not present, it may be time to move on.
How do you know it’s time to let go?
There’s no one answer to this question, as it can vary depending on the situation. However, there are a few things to consider when deciding whether or not to let go. First, ask yourself if you’re still holding onto the relationship out of habit or nostalgia. If you’re no longer getting anything out of the relationship, it might be time to move on. Additionally, if the other person is no longer interested in continuing the relationship, it’s probably time to let go.
What are red flags in a relationship?
There are many red flags in a relationship, but some of the most common ones are when one partner is always putting the other down when there is a lot of drama and fighting, when one partner is always trying to control the other, and when one partner is always being secretive. If you see any of these red flags, it might be time to end the relationship.
What is a toxic relationship?
A toxic relationship is one in which the two people involved are constantly hurting each other. There is a lot of fighting and very little happiness.
How do u fix a broken relationship?
There is no one-size-fits-all answer to this question, as the best way to fix a broken relationship will vary depending on the situation. However, some tips for repairing a damaged relationship include communicating effectively, spending time together, and being understanding and forgiving.
What is a narcissistic relationship?
A narcissistic relationship is one in which one person is excessively focused on themselves and their own needs, while the other person is focused on meeting the needs of the narcissist. Narcissistic relationships are often characterized by a lack of empathy and mutual understanding, as well as a high level of manipulation and control.
Does space help a broken relationship?
There’s no definitive answer, but it certainly can’t hurt. Spending time in different environments can help remind you of why you fell in love with your partner in the first place and can help you to reconnect with them. Additionally, simply having some space can give each person some time to reflect on their own needs and how they want to approach the relationship going forward.