Couple Crisis | Symptoms and Guidelines to Overcome It

When we talk about and refer to a couple of crises, we first must understand the real meaning of this concept before going into depth.

There is no need to be afraid of the word crisis since its meaning is “inevitable change,” it is a necessary change, and the word does not have to have negative connotations, although it usually does.

It is essential to understand that throughout any sentimental, marital, and love relationship, it is entirely normal and inevitable that every couple goes through different stages in which they may find themselves in various crises.

In these stages, continuing to do things as they were being done becomes unsustainable, so the person must adapt and decide whether to grow on their own or together.

These couple crises may be due to internal or external factors, and the fact is that the couple is a very complex concept where both members evolve in parallel. The circumstances of both people are changing, to which external stressors are added, such as economic factors and children, which also significantly affect any relationship.

The existence of a couple of crises does not inevitably lead to a breakup; that is, a couple of crises is not synonymous with a breakup or the end of the relationship.

Problems can arise when the word “crisis” is accompanied by an unhelpful negative connotation; in this way, the person will tend to avoid the crisis in different ways: using denial (“nothing happens here”), evasion (“I don’t want to talk about it,” “there is nothing to talk about”), using reproach or even using the attack as a form of defense.

Discover the most common couple problems

On the contrary, the breakup can be avoided if we can incorporate new elements into our day-to-day life as a couple, thus managing to overcome the crisis.

Symptoms and causes of a crisis

Following is a list of the most usual and joint symptoms and causes that appear when we are in the middle of a couple of crises:

Indifference and passive attitude

Generalized apathy is as if you were a mere spectator and not the protagonist of the relationship; you let yourself go, stop doing things, and don’t act. You do not get involved at all; you let the days go by. and in this way. It is time and routine that dictate the final success or failure of the relationship.

Lack of involvement

Is there a feast for your partner’s company employees that you don’t want to attend? Does your partner play in a music group, and you haven’t gone even once to see him play? Does your partner ask you several times to accompany you to that art exhibition that you know he is very excited about, and you do nothing?

Lack of interest

Do you stop listening and disconnect when your partner is telling you in detail and is excited about a specific situation that has happened to him at work? Have you forgotten to congratulate him on his birthday?

Communication problems

Communication is one of the fundamental pillars of any relationship. It works, if it is cared for, if there is respect and space for the two members of the couple to express themselves, this will be an essential tool, and that will be a protective factor in any situation that has to be faced in the present or the future.

On the contrary, if communication fails, the result can lead to continuous arguments and confrontations. No communication is equivalent to “living as strangers.”

A permanent state of irascibility

The person feels continuously pissed off, with contained and accumulated anger, and does not feel calm or relaxed in their relationship.

Abandonment of common projects

Have you stopped going to the gym together, which you used to love doing it? Do you no longer do your marathons together because you no longer feel like it, nor are you excited? Have you stopped organizing summer vacations as before?

Decrease in shared positive moments

Before you used to go to the cinema every month because it was your time and now you don’t even think of it, how long has it been since you’ve had a weekend getaway? The relationship quality will also decrease if you decrease the number of these moments.

Loss of confidence

The ability to communicate “heart to heart” can be affected, making it increasingly difficult to open up to the other. If you remember and think about how you were at the beginning of the relationship, you and your partner were capable of trusting each other with unspeakable secrets, and you explained how you felt at all times.

Has it been a long time since you had a deep, intimate, and 100% sincere conversation with your partner?

Increased mistrust and jealousy

When losing trust, as detailed in the previous point, mistrust increases, and continuous jealousy inevitably begins to take root; why? Because jealousy is synonymous with a lack of confidence.

Feeling guilty

The person defines it as not feeling joy in the hope of something positive happening to their partner, which also makes them feel guilty. Aren’t you happy about your partner’s job promotion, and it even seems like it bothers you and makes you angry?

Decreased sexual activity

The sexual life of a couple can be affected for different reasons: High stress, diagnosis of a severe illness, or the arrival of a baby at home, but if there is nothing concrete and understandable that can explain this, maybe it is a symptom of a couple of crisis.

Decreased empathy

It is much more difficult for the person to put himself in another’s place; this makes him constantly judge and criticize instead of understanding his way of thinking and acting. If effective relationships are based on anything, it is on understanding the weaknesses and needs of the other.

Phases

In the first year of the relationship: When you get to know the other person better and see the positive and wonderful they are.

At 2 years of a relationship: When it comes to setting rules, limits, and seeking agreements, it usually happens; here, we will have to give in and give our arms to twist on many occasions.

At 3 years old: Do you want to step towards a more significant commitment, and the time has come to live together?

At 5 years of relationship: When the passion, sexual drive, and hormones have ceased to be at their peak.

After 7 years: When you are considering becoming parents and looking for the first child.

After 10 years of relationship: After the arrival of a second child and the increase in the family,

After 15 years: The routine has been installed in your day-to-day, and there is no way to get out of it.

Guidelines to follow to avoid a couple crisis in the first place

Look for dialogue and optimal communication

Be close and humble, and try not to impose your point of view constantly. When you talk to your partner, this way you will take responsibility. For example: “I felt bad when you told me how quiet I had been all night” instead of “you made me feel bad,” and it is that speaking from the “you” will cause more conflicts and take us away from a solution.

Improve assertiveness

Try to say things when they bother you (when we express them with our best words) and never when they tire you (when we express them with our best offenses).

Focus on the present moment

Be in the present and try not to recall or stir up past conflicts or bring old ghosts from the past to light.

Avoid looking for reasons to blame

Often, the reflections of a couple in crisis lead to constantly blaming the other; this does not make any sense; try not to do it anymore.

Pay attention when you give feedback

Feedback expires, so either we give it immediately, give it in the following similar situation, or don’t give it at all. If something is important enough, pass it on; if it’s not important enough, let it go.

Understands differences and disagreements

Being a couple does not mean agreeing on everything; on the contrary, loving someone requires respecting differences, sharing the same values ​​and also different ones, and learning from disagreements.

Be more detailed

A surprise, a gift, a wink, a little joke with sweet and intelligent nuances when the situation is tense, a caress, a complicit look, a body that seeks a hug, an unexpected detail… try to find the details and take care of them.

Do not focus only on the negative things

Or on what you do not like about your partner. Try to remove the magnifying glass from the things that your partner does not do well or that you do not like and try to see the whole picture because when we are angry, we tend to filter reality to focus on what does not fit us. Try to do the opposite exercise and catch your partner doing something right. I’m sure you’ll be surprised. Focus on behaviors and not on the person.

Stop! Reflect before acting and be more prudent

When the situation is tense, and emotions overwhelm us, it is best to give ourselves some time. Stop, breathe, calm down, think more than once, breathe again, and reflect before acting. Do not get carried away by immediate impulses and act wisely.

Learn to listen

Be careful here! Hear, don’t just listen to a reply.

Look for everyday activities to share more time

Recover those activities that you liked to do together and also organize new ones, like a surprise trip, a night of dinner and theater, a rural getaway, an afternoon at the spa… then let yourself be carried away by spontaneity, without obligations, without following a plan, enjoying so from experience.

Relationships are, fundamentally, that set of shared moments in which we express affection and intimacy. And it is a simple fact of having spent many moments together in the past that makes the love relationship persist.

Work on trust

Trust your partner, don’t overwhelm him, and don’t drown him with calls or messages continuously. Respect their plan and their personal space. Freedom is the seed of true love; trust is vital in every authentic bond and every bond we want to care for and preserve. Without freedom, you cannot live as a couple nor have a healthy relationship.

Take care of yourself

If you are not feeling well, it is difficult for the couple as a whole to be well. Take care of your physical and emotional health; we often carry and transfer our fears, concerns, and personal problems to our partners. Pamper yourself, meet your personal needs and take time to feel good about yourself.

To finish, I do not want to emphasize that many times, after a relationship crisis, an opportunity for improvement appears; sometimes, after going through and suffering a relationship crisis, the relationship is strengthened, and the bond between the members becomes much closer than before. This is the positive idea of ​​crisis, where there is no negative preconceived idea, and it serves to improve and move forward.

Having said all this, is there any point in putting up with a relationship that isn’t working out? The answer is no; moving forward is essential, going through the mourning, and accepting the relationship’s breakup. There is no point in continuing to suffer and prolong; a world of healthy and nurturing relationships is out there.

Conclusion

If, after what you have read, you consider that you may be immersed in a relationship crisis, or you feel disappointed and cannot stop feeling dissatisfaction, or you think that your partner has entered a loop. If you cannot overcome the crisis, it may be time to ask for professional advice.

Couples therapy can be a neutral ground and can help you to train strategies that get you out of the crisis in which you are immersed.

FAQs | Couple Crisis