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Home Relationships

How To Deal With High Maintenance Friends: Tips And Tricks

Meryl Roberts by Meryl Roberts
July 23, 2023
in Relationships
Reading Time: 9 mins read
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Nature, wildlife, white bengal tiger-high maintenance friends

Photo by SarahRichterArt on Pixabay

Do you have a friend who constantly demands your attention, time, and resources? Do they expect you to drop everything for them at the slightest inconvenience? If so, you may be dealing with a high-maintenance friend.

While it’s important to support our friends through thick and thin, it can become exhausting when their needs consistently take priority over our own.

In this article, we’ll explore some tips and tricks on how to deal with high-maintenance friends without sacrificing your well-being or putting strain on the friendship.

Page Contents

Toggle
  • Understanding High Maintenance Friendships
  • Identifying High-Maintenance Friends In Your Life
    • Making Excuses
    • Trending Now
    • Making People Feel Seen and Heard: Simple Ways to Connect and Empower
    • What Happens When You Ignore a Gaslighter?
    • Inconsistent Communication
    • Demanding Attention
  • Setting Boundaries With High Maintenance Friends
    • Saying No
    • Saying Yes To Yourself
  • Managing The Drama Of High-Maintenance Friendships
  • Prioritizing Your Wellbeing In High Maintenance Friendships
  • Ending High Maintenance Friendships
  • Building Healthy Friendships Going Forward
  • Conclusion
  • FAQs | High Maintenance Friends
    • What does it mean to have a high-maintenance friend?
    • How do I know if my friend is high maintenance?
    • How do I set boundaries with a high-maintenance friend?
    • What if my high-maintenance friend won’t respect the boundaries I set?
    • How can I let the burden of my high-maintenance friend go?
    • What should I do if I could do without my high-maintenance friend?
    • What if I don’t want to completely end the friendship but need some space?
    • How can I say “no” to my high-maintenance friend when I’m busy?
    • What if my high-maintenance friend frequently complains about their problems?
    • How can I deal with an energy vampire friend?
    • Why is setting boundaries important in high-maintenance friendships?
          • Sources

Understanding High Maintenance Friendships

Navigating high-maintenance friendships can be challenging, and it’s essential first to understand what makes a friend high-maintenance.

These types of friends require constant attention and validation, often creating drama or draining the energy of those around them. They may also exhibit traits such as being self-centered or needy and can sometimes even fall into the category of ‘energy vampires.’

Individuals in these relationships must set boundaries and recognize when they are being taken advantage of.

Toxic relationships should always be avoided, but with some relationship advice and the willingness to communicate effectively, it is possible to maintain a healthy friendship with a high-maintenance friend without sacrificing one’s well-being.

Identifying High-Maintenance Friends In Your Life

  1. Making excuses: High-maintenance friends often make excuses for their behavior or brush it off as if it’s no big deal.
  2. Inconsistent communication: They don’t always respond when you reach out and can be difficult to get a hold of.
  3. Demanding attention: High-maintenance friends expect you to drop whatever you’re doing to attend to them and can get upset if you don’t.

This kind of behavior can be draining, and knowing how to handle it is important.

Making Excuses

Do you have a friend who always demands your time and attention, leaving you drained? If so, you may have a high-maintenance friend on your hands.

Setting boundaries with these friends is important to maintain your mental health and well-being.

Making excuses for their behavior only enables them to continue their drama-filled ways. Instead, try being honest about how their demands make you feel and explain that while you value their friendship, you need some space.

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Remember that it’s not selfish to prioritize your needs and happiness when dealing with high-maintenance friends.

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Inconsistent Communication

Identifying the traits of high-maintenance friends that can negatively impact our lives is important.

One such trait is inconsistent communication, which can be frustrating and emotionally draining for those trying to maintain friendships with these individuals.

High-maintenance friends may demand constant attention and validation one day, only to disappear or ignore you the next. This behavior can make setting boundaries and establishing healthy communication patterns difficult.

It’s important to practice assertiveness when dealing with these types of friendships by expressing your needs and expectations around consistent communication. Doing so will create clear standards that help prevent drama-filled situations from arising while maintaining a healthier relationship dynamic overall.

Demanding Attention

Now that we’ve talked about inconsistent communication, let’s dive into another trait of high-maintenance friends: demanding attention. These individuals have a way of making themselves the center of your universe, and it can be exhausting to keep up with their constant need for validation and reassurance.

They may expect you to drop everything immediately to tend to their needs, leaving little room for your own priorities or self-care. Being in a friendship like this can cause anxiety and make you feel like you’re always on edge, waiting for the next crisis to arise.

Remember that you are not obligated to cater to the whims of energy vampires who drain your emotional resources. Instead, establish clear boundaries around how much time and energy you will invest in these relationships and prioritize your well-being above all else.

Take time to decompress after spending time with them, and don’t hesitate to say no when necessary.

By recognizing these patterns and taking steps to protect yourself from being sucked into unhealthy dynamics, you can create healthier friendships that leave you feeling fulfilled rather than drained.

Setting Boundaries With High Maintenance Friends

It can be hard to say no to high-maintenance friends when you want to stay in their good graces, but setting boundaries is key. Saying ‘yes’ to yourself is essential, so don’t hesitate to step back if your friend asks too much of you.

It’s important to recognize when you need a break and to communicate your needs to your high-maintenance friends in a respectful way. This will help you establish healthy limits and create a healthier relationship with your high-maintenance friend.

Saying No

Dealing with high-maintenance friends can be a daunting task, especially when it comes to setting boundaries and saying no. These energy vampires drain our time, emotions, and resources, leaving us exhausted and overwhelmed.

However, it’s crucial to prioritize your own needs and establish clear boundaries and expectations in these relationships. Saying no doesn’t mean you’re being selfish or unkind; rather, it’s a way of protecting yourself from burnout and maintaining healthy coping strategies.

Remember that high-maintenance friends aren’t entitled to your time or attention 24/7, so don’t hesitate to set realistic limits on how often you communicate or hang out.

Doing so’ll free up more mental space and energy for the people who truly matter in your life.

Saying Yes To Yourself

I’ve encountered many people struggling to set boundaries with their high-maintenance friends. Understandably, we all want to be good friends and help those in need. But sometimes, the burden becomes too much to bear, and our needs get neglected.

High-maintenance individuals always need something from us: time, attention, or resources. And while supporting those we care about is important, we shouldn’t do so at the expense of our well-being.

Saying yes to yourself means recognizing when you need to let go of certain relationships or limit your involvement in them. This might seem selfish or unkind, but self-care is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships and avoiding burnout that can affect many people around us.

So don’t hesitate to set realistic limits on what you’re willing to give and take in these friendships. The result will be more energy and space for the people who truly matter in your life.

Managing The Drama Of High-Maintenance Friendships

High-maintenance friendships can often come with drama, stress, and emotional exhaustion. It’s important to remember that while we may care deeply for our high-maintenance friends, it’s not our job to fix their problems or constantly cater to their needs at the expense of our own mental and emotional well-being.

One way to manage these relationships is by setting clear emotional boundaries and communicating them calmly and respectfully. It’s also helpful to recognize when to step back from these friendships and prioritize self-care.

Seeking support from one friend or family member who understands the situation can be beneficial, as well as seeking professional help from a psychotherapist like Mary Jo Rapini if underlying abandonment issues are involved.

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Energy management is also key in dealing with high-maintenance people – make sure you’re taking breaks, practicing mindfulness techniques, and engaging in activities that bring you joy outside of the friendship.

Practice energy management by being mindful of how much time and energy you’re investing in the friendship, and make sure to take breaks and recharge when needed.

It’s important to remember that you are not responsible for meeting all of the high-maintenance person’s needs and that it’s okay to say no or set limits on what you’re willing to do.

Prioritizing Your Wellbeing In High Maintenance Friendships

Do you feel like a personal assistant rather than a friend to the high-maintenance person in your life? Are they always demanding attention, time, and energy from you?

It can be challenging to deal with individuals who constantly need something but never seem satisfied. However, it’s essential to prioritize your well-being in these relationships.

You can’t change the behavior of high-maintenance people, but you can control how much you enable them. If you’re too busy or have an important task, politely decline their requests instead of sacrificing your own needs.

Toxic relationships can take a toll on your mental health, so set boundaries that respect yourself and avoid burnout. Remember that self-care isn’t selfish; it’s necessary for maintaining healthy friendships.

Ending High Maintenance Friendships

Dealing with high-maintenance people can be a daunting and overwhelming task. However, sometimes the best course of action is to end these unhealthy friendships altogether.

It’s important to approach the situation with empathy and understanding and recognize that you deserve healthy relationships. If you feel constantly drained or weighed down by the underlying abandonment issues or constant need for attention from this person, it may be time to let go.

Practice decompressing after interactions with them and remind yourself that it’s not your responsibility to fix their problems or carry the burden of their emotional needs. Ending high-maintenance friendships can feel difficult, but ultimately it allows space for healthier connections and a more balanced life.

Building Healthy Friendships Going Forward

Imagine a garden. High-maintenance plants require constant attention, extra water, and special care to keep them healthy. Meanwhile, low-maintenance plants thrive with minimal effort and still bring beauty to the space.

In relationships, it’s important to recognize which friends are high-maintenance and which are not. While having some high-maintenance people in your life is okay, too many can drain you of time and energy that could be better spent on personal growth or supporting those who reciprocate the same level of effort in interpersonal communication.

Building healthy friendships going forward means intentionally creating a support system of individuals who add value without excessive demands on others’ time management or emotional resources. By cultivating these healthy relationships, you’ll find yourself more fulfilled and able to give back to those around you.

Conclusion

Dealing with high-maintenance friends can be a challenge, but it’s important to prioritize your well-being in these relationships. You can maintain a healthy balance in your social life by setting boundaries and managing the drama that often comes with high-maintenance friendships.

While staying in these relationships out of guilt or obligation may be tempting, it’s okay to let go of toxic friendships.

Don’t be afraid to end high-maintenance friendships if they are causing you more harm than good. You deserve positive and fulfilling relationships in your life.

Overall, navigating high-maintenance friendships requires patience and self-awareness. With these tips and tricks, you can build healthier friendships going forward and enjoy the benefits of positive social connections without sacrificing your mental health.

So don’t let those needy friends bring you down – take charge and live your best life!

FAQs | High Maintenance Friends

  1. What does it mean to have a high-maintenance friend?

    Having a high-maintenance friend means having a friend who requires a lot of attention and effort to maintain the friendship. This can include frequent communication and constant validation, often with many demands.

  2. How do I know if my friend is high maintenance?

    It can be easy to identify a high-maintenance friend by paying attention to how much effort and energy you put into the friendship compared to what you receive in return. They may be high maintenance if you constantly meet their demands and take a toll on your emotional well-being.

  3. How do I set boundaries with a high-maintenance friend?

    It’s important to communicate clearly with your high-maintenance friend and let them know what you are uncomfortable with. This can include limiting how often you see them, how much time you spend with them, and how often you communicate.

  4. What if my high-maintenance friend won’t respect the boundaries I set?

    If your friend doesn’t respect your boundaries despite your efforts to communicate with them, it may be time to reassess the friendship and consider if it’s worth maintaining.

  5. How can I let the burden of my high-maintenance friend go?

    Recognizing that you are not responsible for meeting your friend’s demands is important in letting go of this burden. It’s also important to prioritize your needs and ensure you are not sacrificing your well-being for the sake of the friendship.

  6. What should I do if I could do without my high-maintenance friend?

    It’s okay to acknowledge that a friendship may not work for you and that it may be time to move on. It’s important to respectfully communicate your feelings and needs and take steps to disengage from the friendship if necessary.

  7. What if I don’t want to completely end the friendship but need some space?

    It’s okay to step back from the friendship and communicate that you need some space. This can include having less frequent communication or seeing each other less often.

  8. How can I say “no” to my high-maintenance friend when I’m busy?

    It’s important to be honest with your friend and explain that you are busy and unable to meet their demands now. Saying, “I’m sorry, I can’t right now” or “Here’s when I’m available” can help establish boundaries.

  9. What if my high-maintenance friend frequently complains about their problems?

    It’s important to listen and be supportive, but limiting your time discussing their problems is also okay. You can let them know that you are there for them but also need to take care of your emotional well-being.

  10. How can I deal with an energy vampire friend?

    Energy vampires always need validation and attention, so setting boundaries and limiting your time with them is important. It can also be helpful to enlist someone else’s support, like a tag team partner, to help with the burden.

  11. Why is setting boundaries important in high-maintenance friendships?

    Setting boundaries is especially important in high-maintenance friendships because the burden of this person can fall solely on your shoulders. By setting boundaries, you are communicating your needs and taking steps to prioritize your well-being. Setting boundaries is especially important in high-maintenance friendships because the burden of this person can fall solely on your shoulders. By setting boundaries, you are communicating your needs and taking steps to prioritize your well-being.

Sources
  1. https://experiencelife.lifetime.life/article/handling-a-high-maintenance-friend-2/
  2. https://lifehacker.com/how-to-handle-your-high-maintenance-friends-and-family-5906215
  3. https://www.forbes.com/sites/cherylsnappconner/2013/02/09/the-unlucky-13-traits-of-high-maintenance-people/
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Meryl Roberts

Meryl Roberts

Bay Area therapist empowers individuals & relationships. Meryl blends 13+ years of expertise in yoga, meditation & holistic practices to guide clients towards mental wellness & thriving relationships. A passionate advocate for mind-body health, she helps you unlock your best self.

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